It's Been A While

It's been a while since I've written. I got caught up in the Face Book frenzy, and just neglected writing on my blog. 

So what have I been doing, spiritually? Well, I have gotten into my prayer routine by using the app on my phone that lets me know when each prayer time is by beeping (?) at me. That's a good thing, because then I really have no excuse for forgetting a prayer time. I don't particularly jump right up and rush up the stairs to pray as soon as the "beep" sounds. (Instead of the "beep" I could have Adhan recited! The app has a recording!) But it does keep me aware of the need to say my prayers. And I'm glad that I am comfortable now with prayer time and it doesn't feel like an intrusion into my life.

When I first adopted Islam as my way of life, praying five times a day seemed rather difficult to adjust to. Prayers seem to come at odd times and I was often quite late in saying my prayers, or having to say two prayers at the same time because I had missed a prayer time. That still occurs occasionally with Maghrib and 'Isha because they now are just a little over an hour apart, but it doesn't happen with the others nearly as often. I think that's because I am now accustomed to the times for prayer and almost instinctively plan for them in my day. When I start Arabic class this summer, however, Thur will be late always on class days since it occurs just a bit after class will start. So I may be combining Thur and 'Asr at one time on class days. I don't like doing that, but maybe I can find a prayer spot when we have a class break. And I may be able to pray with AH, since he's the teacher and religious. I can always ask him what he does.

The alarm has just gone off for Maghrib, so I will be off to pray in a few minutes. I actually look forward to praying because it forces me to slow down and think about and worship God. It has a calming effect on me, and I'd feel strange now if I didn't pray five times a day. Morning prayer, Fajr, which is only two rakahs, actually ends up to be longer than all the other prayer sessions, because I say "The Dawn" after Fajr, then make duaa for all my intentions. I always pray for APK's mother who has breast cancer that has spread. And I pray for the safety of APK and her family, as well as for ALD and her family, from the extremists that are constantly bombing places in Pakistan, particularly in the city where APK lives. I include Chris McNally in my requests for protection by armies of angels at this time, to keep him safe from harm in Afghanistan. I pray for protection for Jackie and Cassie, and then I focus on Sabrina, Clint, my brother and sister and my nieces and nephews, as I ask God to guide them to know and worship him. All these fervent prayers tend to take a bit of time. Hannah is usually in the prayer room with me (and has to be moved often from the prayer rug), while Ernie lays across one of the stairs as he waits for me.

So that pretty much describes my prayer life. I have been reading the Holy Qur'an nearly daily. I try to do at least one Sura a day, now that I'm up to Sura 17 or 18, and they are considerably shorter than the earlier ones. 

I haven't been on Face Book for two days (or is it three?), but I just needed a break from it. I was playing too many games, and I need to get away from them. The language "words" are piled up in my mailbox, and I hadn't paid bills or hung up my new clothes. I'm still waiting for the girls to help me move my old, broken television--it's been at least 2 weeks now since it broke, and 10 days since the new one arrived. 

This morning I was awakened by a phone call from Cassie. She and Jackie were in a slight panic because they wanted to miss their bus and go home to check to make sure they had turned off the hair straightener, and they needed me to take them to school. So I forced myself out of bed, took Ernie out quickly, and rushed over to get them. So Fajr was a bit late this morning. (So much for "regular" prayer time!)

I didn't get to Islam 101 last night because I wasn't feeling great, and tonight I missed the meeting with the refugees at Trinity because I was feeling odd. So I got some dinner and have been reading a Sister Fidelma story until I decided I'd better pay bills and then thought I'd blog. Tomorrow is Friday and Juma'a; I'm looking forward to that. I hope to go to Northwest Vista and sign up for their "senior" program and the Arabic class, as well as pick up my prescriptions. With any luck, I WILL go to Women's Qur'an Study on Saturday afternoon. InshAllah!

Mystical Side of Islam

Last Thursday I experienced some of the mystical side of Islam. Every major religion seems to have its mystical component: Judaism has Kabballah, Christianity has Gnosis, and Islam has Sufi. I am attracted to the mystical, to coming closer to God through meditative prayer and song, through focusing one's attention totally on experiencing the nearness of God. 

Most people are not involved in mysticism in their religion. I think this is because it is very intense and involves a total surrender of one's self--emotionally, physically, mentally--to experiencing the presence of God. That can be a bit of a scary thing at first, but once you do it, once you release yourself to God, you find that the experience is truly beautiful. There is nothing that can compare to total surrender to God. But one must be discerning when praying in this fashion, because you are open to the entire spiritual world, and there is a chance that false spirits can mislead you and you can think you are having a spiritual experience when you are not really.

The dhikr, the Circle of Remembrance, that I participated in last week was a wonderful, peaceful experience for me. I felt close to God, and I was very glad that I was asked to participate.

Getting More Involved in islamic Life

I have been abiding by Sabrina's request not to wear my hijab around her and the girls, nor do I talk about Islam around them. I have been taking the girls to church every week and we usually have lunch afterward.

On Easter Sunday, the church sponsored an Easter Egg Hunt for the people in the neighborhood surrounding Huebner Elementary School where the church worship services are held. The girls helped to place the candy-filled eggs on the playing-field. Then we went back to their house, and all of us went to a restaurant for Easter brunch. There was a little tension because Sabrina really didn't want to go because she had been sick all night and was not feeling well and was tired. At the church event, Cassie had called her about something, and in her anger, Sabrina told her that she didn't want to see Cassie for the rest of the day. Cassie was upset then, and told me that she felt like her mother didn't want her around. I tried to console her; she and Jackie also had some problems and I tried to smooth those over.

Eventually we went to eat brunch, and it was a little tense. Clint tends to criticize the girls for even little things, and the girls resent it. When we returned to their house, I told Cassie that she should talk to her therapist about how she feels at her next appointment, and in the meantime, she should write down her feelings in her journal. She said she would. Both girls gave me big hugs when I left. It's difficult to leave them when I know they are upset.

While we were at church, I got a message from Narjis to call her. She and some sisters get together for lunch on Sundays around 1 p.m. and wanted to know if I would like to join them. I explained that I was going to brunch with my family after church that day, but I'd love to join them another Sunday. She had been meaning to call me earlier, she said, because it would be good for me to meet new people. I will have to work out something with taking the girls out to eat if I go with Narjis and these women, however, because they like to go out to eat with me and look forward to that. So maybe we can go to dinner on Sunday night.

I went onto YouTube this past week and found some videos on saying Salaat. One in particular was very good, because it went through the prayers slowly and phonetically. The prayers were a bit different from the ones in the brochure Lyana sent me. So I've been saying the ones from YouTube because they are more like the ones we say at the Islamic Center.

I have been attending Friday prayers (juma'a) every week at the Islamic Center. I get a lot out of the iman's sermons and I feel peaceful during prayers. This past Friday the prayers were crowded because schools were closed for Good Friday, so there were many children there.

Narjis invited me to join the Yahoo group Tri-Faith Dialog, a group that brings together Christians, Jews, and Muslims. I know she is very involved in these activities, and this is very dear to my heart--that we would all get along since we worship the same God. Narjis also invited me to attend a dhikr, A Circle of Remembrance, on Thursday night. She said this is the mystical (Sufi) side of Islam, so I am very interested in it. She said usually 5-6 women attend, and they meet at different homes (I'd better clean!). I am very grateful that she is "mentoring" me.

Tonight I am going to try to attend the Islam 101 class at the Islamic Center. I have been bothered by allergies, but I really want to start going to this class and learning more about Islam. I also would like to start attending the women's Qur'an class on Saturday late afternoon.

I have been reading the Holy Qur'an and Hadiths. I try to read a little every day. I feel very peaceful when I read, and I know God is speaking through them.

Today in an email, Connie asked me about my name change (FaTima), so I told her of my conversion. I told her I hope she would still be my friend--we have been friends for so long. She wrote back that of course she was still my friend, but she would try to stir me back to Christianity. That's okay. I just glad she's my friend.

So I am settling into being a Muslima. Laiba was concerned about me attending Shi'ite services and learning the "wrong" things. She is Sunni, and I am more comfortable at the Sunni Islamic Center than at the Shi'ite masjid. Something just tells me that the Islamic Center is where I should be, so that is where I am going.