Maybe Things Will Change?

Haven't blogged in a bit, not since (I think) Sabrina went nuts about my request to were hijab during Ramadan. Then the fiasco happened when she threw me out of her house on August 23, after I had house-sat for her animals for 9 days while she was on a cruise. I was told to leave because her husband told her to make me leave, after I had to tell them that their ill-behaved Chihuahua had bitten me badly, the wounds became infected, my physician had to file an incident report, and then the dog had to be quarantined because it didn't have its rabies shots. No matter than I was very ill from the infection and from the antibiotics (which had to be changed). No "thanks for caring for our home," just abuse. 

What I couldn't believe was that my daughter actually did what her husband told her to do. He would have NEVER allowed his mother to be treated so cruelly. Sabrina has been seeing my therapist, as have I, and tomorrow we will see him together. It will be the first time I have seen her since that day in August. I am nervous. Can we really have a relationship? I don't know. She seems to want to dictate my life to me, if I want to be in her life. But I can't do that. I am finally who I am. I miss her terribly, but I can no longer continue to compromise my religious beliefs, nor continue to be disrespected as a person by either her or her husband.

This is a very difficult time for me. Ramadan was difficult, because I really wanted to work on becoming a better person, but the infection prevented me from getting to the masjid much. I prayed so hard for Allah to help me with the hurt and anger and bitterness I was feeling, and still do feel. I know my son-in-law will not change his opinion of me, whatever it is. But how can my only child disrespect me, her mother, so much? And what does it teach her daughters? I hope they never treat her this way. I keep praying to Allah to help lift this horrible depression and anxiety. I guess I should make an appointment to see my shrink about my meds. 

It also doesn't help that my cat Hannah is slowly dying, and I've had expenses for my dog Ernie from his teeth and an ulcer on his eye and an ear infection, as well as finding out that his jawbone is fractured. I need to take Hannah to the vet, and chances are high that his will not come home. It makes me so sad. I have only Allah to turn to. I know Allah has all this in His plan, and Allah knows best. And He will never give me a burden too great to bear. I also know that if I have to choose between Allah and Sabrina, as sad as it will make me, I choose Allah. Allahu akbar!

I also started writing a book about my journey to Islam. I think it will be therapeutic for me, but maybe I really can write a book about a Westerner woman "of a certain age" was guided to Islam. Inshallah.