Dealing with Depression and Anxiety, Islamically

I would like to know how to deal with my depression and anxiety Islamically. I take my meds and try to meditate and go to my therapist. Someday I wonder if it is doing any good for me. I still get suicidal thoughts, and fights with Sabrina bring on these terrible thoughts. I am always anxious. Now my IBS has come back with a vengeance; I wonder if I will ever reach a stage where I will not need meds or seeing my therapist. I doubt it, because I am getting older and things will continue to go downhill. But I really wish I could live a normal life where my daughter excepts me for who I am, and I don't have all these medical problems and mental problem.

I think praying helps to focus me, Meditating has also helped a little. I didn't meditate today or yesterday, but I will try to do the meditation this morning. Maybe that will help my anxiety. Then maybe I can face the world.

Meditating--Dhikr

I have been meditating, use "Al-Hamdulilah" as a focus word for the past several weeks. I think it has helped me in my spiritual life. Giving thanks to God for all the things He has given me is a good way to start the day after saying morning prayers. I didn't meditate this morning because Ernie was up early and had to go out, but I have been meditating for 10 minutes after Fajr. Today I have a migraine and missed Qi Gong, but hope to get to the CASA open house at 1 p.m. I always have such good intentions but it's hard to get to do the things I want to do. I have been writing most of the morning. I just felt I needed to. I need to focus more on Islam and my school program and stop dwelling on the past.

I'm Trying

I have been trying to be a goof Muslima and make sure I say my prayers even though I tend to forget the Ishaa prayer because I get tired and forget and go to sleep before I egt to say it. It seems I remember it in the morning so I say it before Fajr. I don't want to say, "oh. well. I forgot. Never mind." So I say it in the morning if I've forgotten it at night. One night I forgot both the Maghrib and the Ishaa prayer and had to say them both in the morning.

Today I am getting rid of boxes and trash, and then I can assess what I have and what I want to get rid of. I have so much and and so much I don't need and need to give away or throw out. I should be grateful to have so much, but much I have is stuff I don't need and maybe someone else does need it. Especially the clothes. I could bag them and have the Salvation Army come and take them away; there is so many since I am wearing only Islamic clothing now. I can't work for very long because my back starts to hurt. I'd like to get the desk downstairs today if possible so I will try to clean off the end table so we can move the desk downstairs. I should put up the bookshelf, too, so I can put things on that. I will do that later today when there is more light.

I feel like I'm doing the right thing in getting rid of so much that I have and that other people could use, or that is just garbage. Inshallah.

Am I a Good Muslima?

Am I a good Muslima? I don't know. I think I could be a lot better. I say my prayers everyday, but sometimes when I'm driving and not in my prayer room. I'm trying to learn about the Sufi path. I haven't been to Juma' for the past couple of weeks; something always gets in the way: waiting for a phone call, etc. I missed Islamic studies again yesterday because of the Internet problem and waiting for Time Warner to fix it all day. Literally all day: from 9 a.m. to 7:30 p.m. I was ready to go to Juma' yesterday but I can't remember what came up. Something did and it got late and I didn't go. I really want to be a good Muslima, but I don't feel like I am. I feel I could be a lot better. When I go out with the family, it's always at a prayer time and I have to make it up. I don't feel comfortable saying, "I have to go pray now," since they are not respectful of my religion and my way of life. I have to pray to be a stonger Muslima and do what I should.

And Abudharr can jump in a lake. I'm glad I had already made up my mind that it wouldn't work and wasn't right. Now I don't have to deal with it. Thank Allah for small favors.