An Up & Down Week

Well, there it is. I have officially told my daughter that I have adopted Islam as my way of life. I expect the phone to chime with a text message (there it goes now) with her response. Odd. She doesn't seem to get it, or doesn't see a problem with it, one or the other. She asked "What controversy?" there would be tomorrow with me attending church services.
I did have an up and down week. One night I had a meltdown when I had missed a prayer and felt like I didn't understand anything I was saying. I ended up crying and asking God to forgive me and please put up with me, even though I didn't know what I was doing but I was trying to be a good Muslim. And felt like I was failing. But after I had a good cry, I realized that God is merciful and compassionate and loves me, and DOES put up with me. So I got up and kept saying my prayers. Like a missed a prayer today. I'm not proud or happy about it, but I'm not beating myself up about it. I said the Dusk prayer, and I'll say my Night prayer and God will hear me.
Sabrina does understand what's happening, it seems, and now doesn't want the girls to go to church. So I feel terrible that I am the cause of pulling them away from God. I know she would never let them go to the masjid. They will probably be more upset that they don't have a place to do service projects. At least Sabrina will be upset about it. She just doesn't want the girls involved in a controversy at church. I can understand that. I don't want to put them in the middle of anything either. I guess I owe the pastors an explanation, so I will email them and also ask their advice about the girls. I wish they could go to the masjid for prayers and meet other Muslim youth. Somehow, I don't see Sabrina going along with that.
So you can see why I say it's been an up and down week. I went to the masjid on Fairhaven on Friday. I liked that. I was going to go to AH's masjid tonight but last night I fell asleep and tonight I just didn't get it together in time. 
Ayesha flipped out when I told her on FB today. She really couldn't believe it. I wrote her a long message about it and explained it. It's touching that she cares about me so much, more than my own family. My family just pretends nothing has happened and just wants no controversy. Narjis checked in with me yesterday. That was nice, too. Funny how other people care about me but my family doesn't. They don't understand my spiritual seeking. Could it be because they never thought about their own spiritual lives? Who can say?
I haven't told them that I've taken the name FaTima yet. That's the next bombshell.