What Happened?

What in the name that is all that is good and holy went wrong today? I merely texted Sabrina (as a courteousy) that I wanted to wear a loose head scarf since it's Ramadan, and she went balistic. Even though I relented and said I wouldn't wear it when I took the girls to school, she decided to take them herself. Then the girls had a problem and Clint had to go to school to straighten it out. Sabrina DEMANDED that I get an appointment for us with John. So I did, and got one for me next Monday. She claims that she is protecting her daughters; from what, I don't know. She sees me as fickle and too changeable. 

I was so upset and needed to talk to someone so I called Jimmie. And he tell me vent. I was so very thankful. He agrees she is a piece of work. I think she is majorly over-reacting. I don't know what her real problem is, but she talks about me as if I am a moron.  She claims she tries so hard to accept me, but she is totally disrespectful and just plain bitchy, nasty, demanding, and stubborn. So she rejected my offer of help today, but then complained about I was going to make her lose her job. She claims I try to lay a guilt trip on her, but she's the one who always is upset and may feel guilty. I do nothing to "guilt" her into anything.

I feel terrible, because I was really trying to be a kinder person. But of course she called me on the way home from work and was all worked up. Then she hung up on me. I called her twice and asked for her to call me so we could talk rationally. She says i "sprung" the scarf on her with no warning this morning, but I did explain my rationale, and then I also said I would abide by her wishes. But she chose to be a "victim." I have been so upset that I couldn't even go out to the masjid tonight. 


I want to take the girls shopping, but she said, "Don't wear a scarf." Who is she to demand what I can and cannot wear? I have half a mind to tell her to find someone else to watch her animals next week. She absolutely does not appreciate nor respect me. And I feel like I am enabling her behavior. She even implied a threat to not let me see the girls. 


What is her problem? Why is she such a demanding, "my way or the highway" bitch? She says she is stressed and at the end of her rope. I don't interfere in her life. My life revolves around taking her kids to stuff. I'm at the end of my rope. I have prayed and given it to God. I have no idea what to do. Should I tell her to make other arrangements for next week? I truly want to, but that would be mean. I just don't know what to do.

First Day of Ramadan

Today is the first day of Ramadan. I am both excited and a bit scared. I am excited about having a month dedicated to growing closer to God. I am scared that I will have a problem with fasting. I got up early, say the Tarajjud and Witr prayers, then ate a good breakfast: cereal and milk, yogurt, energy drink, very large glass of water, and a couple of dates. I am full! Now I have said Fajr and 4 extra rak'ahs; I am ready to take Ernie out, but he isn't really ready to go out. So I have time for him to wake up (he's downstairs but not really "awake").

Now it's time to read the Qur'an and also my devotional book. I'd like to be able to devote a lot of time to reading the Qur'an, but today is not going to be the day. I have to take Jackie and Cassie to a clinic to see if their immunizations are in order; then they have to go to Prep Day at school (they have to have their immunization records--"no shots, no school"). I hope all goes well for them during Prep Day. I'm not sure if I should stay there just in case or not.

I promised to take them to Kohls to buy school clothes after Prep Day. We have a 30% off coupon. I did tell them that they needed to eat before school because I am not taking them to eat.

I contacted ICSA about their Iftar, but they only sent me a prayer time schedule. I'm not sure if Imam Mahdi Masjid has prayers and Iftar every night or not. Guess I'll just have to ask.

ICSA started the Tarweed prayers last night. Since I wasn't really ready to go, I did say them at home last night, as well as the early prayers this morning and extra prayers after Fajr. I have asked God to help me be a better person and a better Muslim this month. I hope it will carry over throughout my life. That's why I tried to be so accommodating to Sabrina with this shot business. I am trying to be very kind to her because I know she is very stressed.

InshAllah God will bless me with His grace and help me. Ameen!

Oh My! So Many Prayers!

Oh my goodness! I have been looking up information on the extra prayers one says during Ramadan, and I am feeling overwhelmed. Not so much with the Ramadan prayers, but with the Sunnah and Wajib prayers. These are additional prayers that are classified as recommended or expected after or before the 5 obligatory prayers. There are extra prayers after nearly every obligatory prayer (except Asr: it is forbidden to say extra prayers between Asr and Maghrib).

So I guess that I should start saying some extra prayers, huh? I was actually most interested in the Tahajjud prayers before Fajr, said after you have slept. So I did find the information I was looking for and will certainly pray these prayers when I wake, before eating and Imsak (the time to stop eating, about 10-15 minutes prior to Fajr). And I now understand the Taweed prayers said at night after Ishaa, usually at the masjid, but you can say them at home if you can't get to the masjid.

But I really should say Witr prayers (after Ishaa) as a matter of course. That is Wajib, REALLY recommended. So I will start tonight.

Then there are the Nawafil prayers, that are optional, but are good to say, such as saying 2 rak'ahs when you enter the masjid (THAT I knew). And before you ask God for something or in thanksgiving, etc.

I really don't mind praying, but I wish I could recite the Suras the way I should. It's almost like singing; it's so beautiful. There are websites that teach you slowly, and I really should take the time during this Ramadan to learn to recite/chant the prayers correctly. Maybe I will make that my Ramadan resolution. Every morning, I will log on and practice the Suras and Salaat until I am somewhat proficient. InshAllah.

Getting Ready for Ramadan

Ramadan starts on Wednesday, August 9, 2010, or according to the Islamic Calendar, 1 Ramadan 1431 AH. This will be my first Ramadan since I adopted Islam, and I must admit, I am a bit nervous about observing it correctly. I don’t really know the prayers to say in the morning before Fajr, but I will look them up on the Internet. I will attend the Salaat and Iftar (light dinner) at Imam Mahdi Masjid in the evening. I know that there is also Qur’an recitation and duaas each night. From what I’ve read, many masjids time the Qur’an recitations so that the entire Qur’an is recited during Ramadan.

I’m a little worried that I might have trouble with the fasting. I have been getting up early to say Fajr at the proper time (new for me), but during Ramadan, I have to eat BEFORE the time for Fajr. Getting up at 5:00 or 5:15 a.m. will not be easy for me. Then I cannot eat nor can I drink until after Maghrib. I asked Ayesha D. if she had any advice for me in observing Ramadan, but this is actually the first Ramadan she will be observing since she reverted and began practicing Islam in earnest. I was thinking about asking Abudharr for advice, or Narjis. I know they would give me good advice. I know I’ll be ok about not eating, but I worry about not drinking anything. I often have to take medicine, and I know that’s allowed, but still.... Abudharr left me an Arabic message on FB, so I should look at it and ask him for advice. Maybe he would meet me for coffee Monday or Tuesday and he could tell me what I need to know.

Palwasha has sent me a message on FB, so I need to write her a long message. I haven’t been on FB in a long while. I will give her Cassie’s and Jackie’s email addresses, and perhaps they can start a friendship. It would be great for them to have a friend their age in another culture.
I also began my gluten-free diet today. I had a poppy-seed bagel, which was not at all good: dry, tasteless, and the fact that I used the rancid butter from my fridge didn’t help the taste. When I tried to split the bagel to toast it, it was a bit frozen still and half of it fell apart. I froze the rest, and will try the English muffins next. When I do the bagel next time, I will certainly use cream cheese. That will help the taste. I tried lemon wafer cookies (good) and pretzels (very good). I also had yogurt today. Though it is 6:30 p.m., I really am not terribly hungry. I have a steak teriyaki bowl that I could eat; that is gluten-free.

I’ve been reading the Qur’an today and also a book about the Qur’an. Sort of getting ready for Ramadan. I also have a book of devotions for each day of Ramadan. It was written by an American woman who converted to Islam. I think that will be good.

I have not heard from Sabrina in 2 days. Yesterday I took the girls and their friend Elizabeth to lunch after Silver Bells practice, so I missed Juma’a. But they so seldom have a friend over, and she is a nice girl. I imagine Sabrina is in a panic as she gets ready for the cruise. They leave next Saturday. My next transporting of the girls is Wednesday afternoon, for Prep Day. I hope they complete their reading assignment and written assignments prior to their trip. I guess we are going to church tomorrow; I haven’t heard differently.

I’m starting to get a bit hungry now. Off to forage in the fridge and the gluten-free box!